JessandJohn

Kindly refer to the time stated on your invitation. It has been selected with great precision, following considerable deliberation and an entirely unnecessary number of discussions. Punctuality is a virtue. Fashionably late is a concept we have chosen not to recognise.

Absolutely not. The legal formalities will have been dealt with on a separate occasion, with all the necessary signatures, witnesses, and administrative enthusiasm.

This gathering is dedicated entirely to the more enjoyable aspects of matrimony: good company, excellent food, a respectable quantity of champagne, and celebrating without anyone having to sit through a ceremony.

The paperwork is complete. The festivities, however, are just beginning.

We take these matters rather seriously. Please inform us of any allergies or dietary restrictions when confirming your attendance. We would prefer the evening to remain entirely free of medical emergencies.

Certainly, and, in fact, we must insist.

As no official photographer will be present, disposable film cameras will be placed on the tables, thereby promoting our guests, collectively and without prior consultation, to the role of official visual historians of the evening.

We invite you to photograph liberally: the dinner, the details, the company, and any moments of particular distinction or mild absurdity.

Whether the resulting images are elegant, blurred, or entirely accidental, we shall treasure them nonetheless.

Once the festivities have concluded, the films will be developed and the photographic evidence duly shared with all our esteemed guests.

Indeed. We intend to establish a communal photographic archive documenting the evening’s finest moments, questionable dance moves, and any other incidents deemed worthy of preservation.

A QR code will be provided, allowing guests to contribute their photographs directly from their phones. We encourage enthusiastic participation, although we reserve the right to question certain artistic choices.

We are delighted to report that we already possess plates, cutlery, and a somewhat excessive number of drinking vessels. Additional material possessions would require the acquisition of a larger residence. Your presence will be more than sufficient.

However, should you feel inclined to make a contribution, a card containing a little something would be most warmly received. For those who prefer the modern marvel of a bank transfer, kindly contact us for the necessary particulars.

Naturally, there is absolutely no obligation. Your generosity, in whatever form it may take, is deeply appreciated.

By the stated deadline. Not the following morning. Not when the spirit moves you. And certainly not three days before the event with the words, “Hope it’s not too late!” Our caterers are professionals, not clairvoyants.

Circumstances change. We understand this intellectually, if not always emotionally. Should your attendance require amendment, kindly inform us at the earliest possible opportunity. Preferably before the seating chart has been laminated.

We have submitted a formal request for favourable weather. The relevant authorities have yet to respond.

Fortunately, the entire celebration will take place indoors, safely sheltered from whatever meteorological mischief Geneva may have in store.

Rain, sunshine, or an entirely unnecessary thunderstorm: the festivities shall proceed with dignity, composure, and absolutely no need for umbrellas.

Not officially. We have elected to devote the evening to the increasingly neglected arts of fine dining, excellent conversation, and remaining seated in exceptionally beautiful surroundings.

There will be no dance floor, no choreographed performances, and no compulsory displays of rhythm.

Should the evening inspire spontaneous enthusiasm, we trust everyone will exercise a reasonable degree of restraint.

Naturally. The seating arrangements will have been considered with the seriousness ordinarily reserved for international peace negotiations.

We simply ask that you consult the seating plan, take your designated place, and trust that our decisions were made with the very best of intentions.

Good heavens. We thought we’d covered everything.

Nevertheless, should you find yourself in possession of a question so remarkably specific that it has escaped our attention, you are most welcome to contact us by email or WhatsApp, whichever method best suits your personal communication philosophy.

We shall endeavour to respond with our customary grace, patience, and only a moderate degree of exasperation.

We do, however, recommend consulting this document once more before initiating correspondence. One never knows. The answer may have been there all along.